DO YOU KNOW YOUR GROCERY SHOPPING PERSONALITY?

When you are shopping at a grocery store, have you ever looked around and taken a good look at your fellow shoppers and wondered to yourself what they are like? For that matter do we really know what type of grocery store personality we are?  Well I have, at least in a tongue in cheek sort of way.  Today I wanted to take a light look at the wine and food lifestyle that can be a very boring part of our lives – grocery shopping and make it a bit more fun and intriguing. 

Grocery shopping will never be the same!

I thought this out and there are grocery shoppers and then there are the grocery shoppers. What on earth do I mean, well, without getting all In Treatment on you, I have come up with a humorous (well depending on one’s perspective) look at some distinct personalities that make up a majority of grocery shoppers.

1. The Un-Escorted. Can be a man or a woman and can have two or more sub-types: 

a)  Comes into a store with the sole purpose of shopping for what they need and be done with it. They are certainly not there to interact one bit. They hate shopping and do not want to be there because time is of the essence, they just got off work, or they just want to buy food and leave with no distractions – period and end. Average estimated time in store no more than 30 minutes 1-2 times per week or this could push them into crises for days.

b)  Comes into a store to make connections and do some shopping. This person does not mind distractions at all, in fact the more the merrier. You will often see this type if male, and hopefully single, asking hopefully single women what well rounded cantaloupes should feel like (please find another pick up line!). If a woman, she asks a man what she should look for in cucumbers — do I need to say more? Now if any of you have been to the San Francisco Marina District Safeway or the Whole Foods on California Street or any of them for that matter, I think you know what I am talking about! They often do not come in knowing what they want or need, but hope they find it once there. Often in the store 1 hour or more 1-2 times per week and never leave with a lot of food in their cart, but do leave with a lot of Twitter and Facebook addresses.

c)   Another Un-Escorted can be old or young and a bit lonely because of a divorce or a loss of a beloved soul mate. They will shop for what they need for the week ahead. They are there to shop, but if they just happen to meet up with an old flame that is now single then that would not be too bad either. They also do not mind distractions and love to talk to all the staff, have a wonderful personality and just want to get out of the house. Often in the store for about an hour or so and usually shop once a week.

d)  Then there is the Un-Escorted that goes to shop but is not rushed. This shopper can be married, single, male or female. They are pleasant, talk to staff and other shoppers because it is the sociable thing to do with a sense of community. They want to get exactly what they have on their shopping list, but do not get all bent out of shape getting something else that looks interesting. This can be a majority of shoppers. They can spend an hour or so in the store once a week, perhaps more often.

e)   Another type is the person that comes back to the store because they forgot something from their earlier shopping trip. You usually see this person with no cart and the only thing they are buying is toilet paper, sugar, salt, pepper, or a TV Guide.

2. The Couple. This is a once a week shopper and is a way to spend some time together. Neither of them have time during the week to shop, so they tend to be weekend shoppers after 5:00 pm on Friday, anywhere from 9:00 am – 8:00 pm on Saturday, or on Sunday morning give or take a few hours. There are a couple of sub-types here too:

a)  ½ of the couple has the list and knows what they want. The other ½ of the couple is usually pushing the cart looking bored, but can disappear now and then and bring back all kinds of things not on the prepared list. This usually makes the couple stop midway in the aisle while they discuss these off the list items and for most part block the aisle for other shoppers while having this five minute or more discussion. The ½ of the couple that keeps putting things not on the list in the cart usually ends up putting a lot of them back.  

b)  Another Couple have a fun time together talking to all the staff, smiling, talking to other shoppers, and start conversations up at check out. If there are food samples they usually stop for a bite and talk to the person giving them away. They take the product with them like they will buy it because they feel guilty taking the sample for free, but often put it back when no one is looking because the sample was not that good. The meat department can cause a great deal of stress for this type as there is most often a change in dinner plans because they found the Prime Rib Roast looked better than the Chicken roast. Now they have to back track and pick up different side dishes and wine and this can cause some short term confusion, however, they pick up quickly and are happy to now know they have what they want for Saturday and/or Sunday dinner. After check out one of them usually comes back to the store on their way to the car because they were so distracted while shopping they forgot “something”. The other ½ of the couple comes back in after ½ an hour to find their missing other half talking to an old friend and both forget what the “something” was they forgot in the first place. However, in the middle of the week they realize the “something” they forgot was to buy more toilet paper. At this point ½ of the couple becomes shopping personality #1-E above, but hopefully not #1-B.

c)   Another sub-type usually get out of their car arguing and continue in the store. They are often loud so the whole store knows their personal business. When they get home, and after putting away the groceries, they rush to tell all their Facebook friends about their wonderful day. Once they get their divorce, they will more than likely be shopping personality 1-A.

d)  The other sub-type is they do not speak to one another the whole time they are shopping, they just move from aisle to aisle like the Night of the Living Dead. At some point though they will find themselves as shopping personality #1-B or #1-C.

e)   The other Couple can be a father or a mother with child or a father and mother with adult child. This is always an interesting combination with a high level of stress no matter what. You will most always have a child that will knock over the molasses making the floor and shelves sticky for days or a baby crying endlessly (if you were stuck in the back of the metal cart with our legs dangling out I think most of us would cry too). Then you have the mother or father arguing with their adult child about when they were young they did not waste anything especially on such things as brey and patttee (AKA: Brie and Pate) or that special butter from Ireland as they used to make their own cheese and butter — so take that! This is always an interesting and fun (not!) sub-type to say the least.

3. Bulk Shoppers. These can be people that are buying for halfway houses, church gatherings, family reunions, tail-gate parties, holidays, funerals, Boy/Girl Scouts (or Camp Fire Girls – I was one of those and the 2^nd leading seller of mints in San Francisco – oh, off on a tangent, sorry), or any other gathering including holiday dinners. They usually come alone or have a helper and take two carts each, have shopping lists 10 pages long and coupons as far as you can see. Now I can understand this, but if a grocery store can have speedy (??) check out stands for 15 or less items, why do they not have a special line for those that have 200+ items and 200+ coupons?? As it is, these shoppers often shop during prime time when the store is packed causing a backup a mile long.

4. It’s Party Time. These shoppers consist of three or more people and can be from Frat Houses, friends getting together, policemen or firemen getting together after work same for construction workers, four men going fishing, or countless other reasons a group of people get together for the sole purpose of buying a little food and a lot of alcohol. They will have the dips and chips, spreadable meats and cheese that come in jars, Ritz crackers, nuts, candy, among other finger food. But what will they really be filling their carts with? Lots of beer, jug wine, more beer and wine, then add some kegs on top of that (have to have beer on tap too), and some bottled water (as they do not want to dehydrate from all the beer and wine). Basically, the party has already started in the liquor department and the poor grocery store clerk that looks like he is twelve and weighs about 80 pounds is the one asked to pull the kegs out and bring them to the car for these eager revelers.

5. Social Butterflies. These shoppers are the bells of the ball. They walk inside the store and the pearly gates open and they know every single person in there. They call the clerks and staff by their first names, know what clerk is going to go to college, if they have family coming over, if they just broke up with their boyfriends/girlfriends, who is new there and who has been with the store the longest (usually a manager). They also know at least 1-2 people per aisle and stop and talk with them for at least 15 minutes. They also know everyone in the parking lot too. Their average stay in the grocery store (oh and out in that parking lot too) 4+ hours. They often fall into the sub-type personality #1-E as they often need to come back to the store during the week the frozen foods spoiled somewhere between hours two and four of their original shopping visit.

6. The Coupon Clipper. Within this group is also the Organized Shopper that will not deviate from their list. They spent hours clipping the coupons and/or seeking the right deals from the weekly store circular, then they organize everything by dairy, canned goods, packaged goods, boxed goods, frozen, toiletries, household, etc. all in a handy wallet with dividers by category of grocery item with a matching shopping list. I really admire this type of shopper. The government should hire them as consultants. This shopper also holds up the check out line with all their coupons, but that is not their fault. The grocery store should have a special checkout stand for those with more than 10 coupons. Perhaps they could combine it with the bulk check out stand mentioned in #3 above.

7. The Discount Shopper. This type of shopper is not as organized as the Coupon Clipper. They come into a store without any organizer or list, just a newspaper insert in hand with the weekly deals. They then go from aisle to aisle going through the paper to see what items are 2 for 1 or have deep discounts. They probably spend much more time in the store than the Coupon Clipper, but would not want it any other way as they have a bit more fun and love chaos.

The Help Yourself Shopper (Everything is Free). AKA: Shoplifter. They usually come in parkas in 100 degree heat or come in the store leaving 100 pounds more than they came in — however, a lot of that could be from eating all the free samples too.You know the type, they stand in front of a product for about 10 minutes reading the label like they are trying to make sense of it and they are not even in the wine section! 

These are just a few personality types that make up neighborhood grocery stores throughout America. I can say that I fit into a couple of types myself, depending on mood.  But I can tell you one thing it will be very hard for me to go shopping now. Why? I will be looking at my fellow shoppers and classifying them by the above personalities with a smile on my face. However, they could now be classifying me as well (as I shop with my husband a lot, some of 2-B rings true – not all of it of course!!). I had no idea how stressful it was to go grocery shopping.

Michael Buble “Haven’t Met You Yet”. Ok, I took some liberties here but thought it would be fitting as it takes place in grocery store!

Cheers then Enjoy!